Personal boundaries are a way of protecting our time, space and energy. Usually, it’s a limit that we set between ourselves and others, but it is helpful to set boundaries for yourself too!
Strong personal boundaries are a way of cutting out some of the noise. When we make intentional decisions about things like our time, money, environment and relationships, we’re not being difficult, selfish or unkind.
Instead, we’re simply drawing a line in the sand, deciding what matters, and taking steps to align our lives accordingly.
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries are limits that relate to space and our environment. Sometimes they are quite personal. For example, you might need to tell someone that you prefer to shake hands instead of hugging when saying hello.
There are other ways we can set physical boundaries, with others and ourselves. Here are a few examples:
limits on how many things we own – this might look like making an intentional decision about something as simple as how many towels to keep or limiting toys to what fits easily in the playroom
limits on the type of things we own – you might choose not to buy fast fashion or single-use plastics if that aligns with your values
limits to what people can bring into your home – you might ask someone not to smoke in your home or not to bring unhealthy snacks for your children
Mental Boundaries
Mental boundaries can be harder to explain because we can’t always see when a line has been crossed—but we all know how it feels. There’s a tightening in the chest and all-consuming thoughts that you just can’t shake. Of course, sometimes tough feelings are healthy and inevitable but as with all things, we have limits. You should be saving your emotional energy and mental strength for things that matter and not unnecessary drama.
For example, if reading certain magazines or browsing social media sends you into a spiral of insecurity and self-doubt, then maybe you need to set limits on the media you consume.
If you’re not sure what mental boundaries you need, start paying close attention to your emotions. If something is mentally draining, ask yourself is this a good use of your time and emotional energy. If not, what can you do to prevent this in the future?
Time Boundaries
Time boundaries are limits to how you spend your time and in honestly, this can be one of the toughest to enforce. There are several reasons for this:
people-pleasing – When we’re afraid of letting other people down, we say ‘yes’ to helping others even when we’re already stretched to our limits.
the planning fallacy – This is a cognitive bias that leads to underestimating how long it will take to do things. In other words, we have a natural tendency to bite off more than we can chew.
busyness culture – We live in a world where it’s easy to confuse productivity with self-worth. There’s internal and external pressure to always be doing more.
So what can we do? Set boundaries, of course. This might look like saying ‘no’ more often, or if that’s not comfortable, at least reducing the time we have available for others.
Here are some simple ways that you can set time boundaries:
Requests – If it’s not urgent (according to your priorities), reply and give yourself a generous timeframe to take action. For example, “Thank you—I’ll have time to action this early next week.”
Phone use – Try to maintain a strong boundary by not sleeping next to your phone. Charge it across the room so you don’t feel tempted to check it first thing in the morning.
“Don’t do” time blocks – Set rules about when you will or won’t do things. For example, don’t clean when your children nap - this will allow you to rest during this time, without constantly feeling guilty about housework.
Financial Boundaries
Financial boundaries can look like creating a budget, deciding not to buy certain things, or setting limits for purchases. Here are some examples:
Having a savings account that you don’t touch except for emergencies
Setting limits to how much you’ll spend on Christmas or Birthday gifts (or deciding not to exchange gifts)
Creating a budget for charitable donations and making intentional decisions about the causes you want to support
Asking friends to do free activities instead of expensive ones
How to Set Personal Boundaries
In most cases, the easiest way to get started is to start small. Identify one area of your life where you need stronger boundaries and take a tiny step in a new direction. Start by saving £5 a week, going to bed 15 minutes earlier, or by having one tough conversation.
It might not feel like much at first, but it’s more important to set small boundaries and maintain them than to set big boundaries and not follow through. You need to prove to yourself and others that your limits are to be respected.
The exception would be if you’re in a dangerous or toxic situation. Sometimes you need to go big with bold boundaries in order to protect yourself.
Either way, it’s important to be consistent and to re-evaluate your boundaries often. Sometimes our needs and priorities change, and your boundaries should adjust accordingly.
댓글